COLUMN: Much Ado About Nothing

Harry Caines contributes a weekly column to CacheValleyDaily.com. His column is a work of opinion, and does not reflect the views of Cache Valley Daily, the Cache Valley Media Group, or its employees.

<strong>LOGAN -</strong> Maybe it is the weather; or, it could be that the current stories revolving in the news cycle just don’t inspire me to urbane pontification, but I have nothing to write about today.

Yes, I think it is the weather. For the entire month of January only two things has been over the heads of Cache Valley residents: dirty air and snow. This ceaseless existence of gray skies and black air can make even the most resolute optimist feel like a grump.

Under daily sunless skies, Happy Valley feels more like Crappy Valley.

There are more than enough stories in the news to discuss—but, I sense most readers of CVD are tired of hearing about things that, quite frankly, only adds to this depressing state of winter we are currently struggling to endure.

Guns. That is the major story in the news right now. I was going to write about guns—and I might next week—but really, the chasm in philosophy between those who believe in unabridged gun rights and those who look at gun owners as some form of inbred, obtuse murderers-in-waiting is wider than the planets Mercury and Neptune.

I see both sides of the gun question. I really do. I just wish the pugnacity of the guns-rights lobby would be buried in a hole with the pious, illogical assertions made by the anti-gun lobby. Two good arguments are being maligned by extremists, none of whom make me feel good about political discourse in America.

The John Swallow scandal? Oh, yes, yes, yes! I fully intend to pen a scathing rebuke of Swallow’s rise to Utah’s chief law enforcement officer whilst being a common crook. The problem is the burden of proof. Before I take Utah to task for propelling Swallow to that office, I would like just a little more proof that he indeed broke the law. And if the trail leads to Harry Reid, Yahtzee!

I have been called the anti-Republican Republican. Which is much less insulting than being referred to as a RINO. The facts are that this past November I voted Republican for all statewide and national offices sans two. Those two were Mitt Romney and John Swallow. How smug I will be if Swallow is proven to be dirtier than the air we breathe.

And then there is Mike Lee and the immigration debate. Oh, our junior senator is surely worthy of a full column discussing how he is an embarrassment to Utah. I never solicit CVD readers for feedback. But, I really want one person to write out a defense of Lee’s performance in the U.S Senate. It is one thing to adhere to a socially conservative ideology. It is entirely another thing to not negotiate or compromise.

Yo! Mikey! You are an expert on the U.S Constitution? Maybe you can point to the article in that document that states U.S Senators should act like petulant children. You remind me more of Veruca Salt than Ronald Reagan.

Yes, it has to be the weather. And I could use this weather as an excuse to rip Al Gore and his desperate, apocalyptic band of global warming brothers. Was it really just a decade ago that we were told snowy winters would go the way of the VCR with the continued negative effects of global warming? And when they tried to “Jedi Mind Trick” us into believing global warming was really climate change, and that cold weather was a part of it, did we buy that pet rock?

The curtain has been drawn back. The “Wizard of Oz” is only a man. And the environmental movement has failed to make us believe the world will end if we do not hand control over to them. Next.

It is Super Bowl week. I could write about the sad state of the NFL, the belief that Super Sunday is now a holiday and how ironic that is for Utah, or possibly give a guide to the non-football lovers way to traverse through the day avoiding football. But, really, I just do not care that much.

I am having a Super Bowl party where nearly every single guest does not care about football. I always thought Super Bowl gatherings should contain a large level of irony to them.

And, if any of you care: 49ers 37-13. San Francisco is going to bury Baltimore. Book it.

Nope. I got nothing to write about. Depressing weather, indifference to the political landscape and an overall lack of creativity has relegated me to a dull curmudgeon. And the most boring and uninspiring of months in the whole calendar year, February, is now knocking on the door. We should thank Pope Gregory XIII for his mercy on us all. February could have been 31 days long. That makes me shiver.

Better days are coming. Pitchers and catchers will soon descend on Florida and Arizona. The temperature will rise and the sun will shine high in the sky again….I think. And the political stories we all know of, well, I doubt they will be any better than what we are discussing now. I can offer no nope on that.

Make yourself a hot cup of something, curl up on the couch with a good book or a favorite TV show and try not to catch cancer because you were compelled to partake in the simple act of breathing. And hopefully next week your humble columnist will have something to write about. I certainly didn’t this week.

<em><strong>@ChiefSalsa</strong></em>

<em>Harry Caines contributes a weekly column to <a href=”http://CacheValleyDaily.com/”>CacheValleyDaily.com</a>. His column is a work of opinion, and does not reflect the views of Cache Valley Daily, the Cache Valley Media Group, or its employees.</em>

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