COLUMN: Shame Canada

Harry Caines contributes a weekly column to His column is a work of opinion, and does not reflect the views of Cache Valley Daily, the Cache Valley Media Group, or its employees.

<p dir=”ltr”><em>“No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President…”</em>

<p dir=”ltr”>—Article 2, Section 1 of the United State Constitution

<p dir=”ltr”>If Ted Cruz is ruled ineligible to become President of the United States, he could justifiably blame the Marquis de La Fayette.

<p dir=”ltr”>Cruz is a United States Senator representing the sovereign nation….errr, I mean, the great state of Texas. A Tea Party favorite, Cruz is making considerable noise as a possible Republican candidate for president in 2016.

<p dir=”ltr”>There is one major problem with a possible Cruz run. He was born in Canada. Born of a Cuban father and an American mother (She was born in Delaware—I guess that counts as a state), Cruz came kicking and screaming into this world via the town of Calgary, Alberta. And that is where the Marquis comes into the story.

<p dir=”ltr”>The men who framed the U.S. Constitution were historically paranoid. Most of them did not want to concentrate power with a centralized government. They thought the American people might be too emotional to be entrusted with a fully representative government. And they feared a foreign demagogue could attain power over the entire land.

<p dir=”ltr”>At the time the Constitution was being discussed, La Fayette—a Revolutionary war hero—was considered to be just as popular as George Washington. And while it is a fact that few of the Framers had nary a bad word to say about the Marquis personally, a man similar to him could come along and be swept into power through sheer magnetism and cult of personality.

<p dir=”ltr”>In that spirit, Article 2, Section 1 of that magnificent document came to pass. To be president, you have to be a naturalized citizen. You also must have been living in the country for the previous 14 years before your inauguration. These provisos were meant to ensure America would not fall under a foreign influence.

<p dir=”ltr”>Here stands Ted Cruz. If the Birther movement can make a hullabaloo about the validity of Barack Obama’s birth certificate from Hawaii, the Left can start a legal challenge to the legitimacy of a Canadian-born, half-Cuban attaining the position of Commander-in-Chief.

<p dir=”ltr”>Cruz has been proactive in tackling this fascinating Constitutional question. How so? This week, he said he was renouncing his Canadian citizenship.

<p dir=”ltr”>There goes any chance of Celine Dion playing at his Inauguration.

<p dir=”ltr”>Why, Ted? Canada, and more to the point, Canadians are cool! Who has anything bad to say about Canadians? Our friendly neighbors to the north have proved loyal friends and partners for the past two centuries. We do not even protect our border with Canada. They could easily attack us and take the bountiful riches that Minnesota has to offer. (NOTE: That was sarcasm)

<p dir=”ltr”>And culturally, Canada has had just as much impact on us as we have them.

<p dir=”ltr”>A short list:

<p dir=”ltr”>* Half of the animated shows in existence come from Canadians. Cartoon Network is Canada’s way of zombie-fying American youth.

<p dir=”ltr”>* Musically Gordon Lightfoot, Loverboy and Rush all hail from Canada (Hey, two out of three ain’t bad.)

<p dir=”ltr”>* James Naismith, the guy who invented basketball….yep, he’s a canucker.

<p dir=”ltr”>* Dave “The Hammer” Schultz, notorious hockey goon and singer of the 70’s cult classic song <a href=”” target=”_blank”>“The Penalty Box.”</a>

<p dir=”ltr”>* And lastly, there are the two words that make me sleep warmly draped in a maple leaf flag: Crown Royal.

<p dir=”ltr”>Ted Cruz got it wrong. Americans would be more willing to vote for him if he was Canadian.

<p dir=”ltr”>But Cruz is a member of the modern-day GOP. In the Republican’s nationalistic, culturally illiterate fervor, anything foreign is considered scary and dangerous. At the first GOP 2016 presidential debate if the moderator asks each candidate what their favorite French film of all time is, each candidate would sweat Budweiser and start jabbering in a Toby Keith twang.

<p dir=”ltr”>Republicans don’t do France.

<p dir=”ltr”>Broadway shows? Too fruity. Fancy cheeses? Call John Kerry. In 2013, Republicans drink cheap beer and speak in fractured, 3rd grade English.

<p dir=”ltr”>Ted Cruz ain’t no dang Canadian! He’s all-American. And a Texan to boot. And no fancy-pants Harvard lawyer is going to stop him from being president.

Wait a moment! Ted Cruz got his law degree from Harvard. Is he going to renounce that too?

In the world of politics, there is insincerity and then there is flat-out stupidity. Cruz is not a dumb guy. Going out of his way to tell the world he is not Canadian to ensure both his eligibility to be president and to come off as a true blue American wreaks of both insincerity and political posturing. (Redundancy alert!)

If Canada was good enough to give the world William Shatner, it can bear the shame of giving us Ted Cruz.

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