COLUMN: Valentines in the CVD mailbag

Harry Caines contributes a weekly column to CacheValleyDaily.com. His column is a work of opinion, and does not reflect the views of Cache Valley Daily, the Cache Valley Media Group, or its employees.

<em>“You have poor social skills. You have a problem.”</em>

<em>“I have a problem? You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things.”</em>

—from the film “Silver Linings Playbook”

Oh! How is it that Your Humble Columnist should make so many enemies? I am a human being. I have feelings, too!

Let us take a few minutes to open up the CVD mailbag and see what my dozens of readers have to say about my recent columns.

Are these real letters from real readers? They are as real as Dr. Ben Carson’s knowledge of foreign affairs.

<em>“Your columns are too long! It is bad enough I have to sit through your long-winded, smug rants. Can you make them shorter so I can hold my lunch down?”</em>

—Eric, Hyrum, UT

Yeah, maybe my columns could be a little a shorter. I cannot help myself. I have an idea in my head and I go with it. I also take too long to get to main point. That is the problem with liking to see my own ideas on a screen. I want to see ALL OF THEM on the screen!

<em>“You said Carolina would crush the Broncos. Great pick! I went the other way and now have some extra cash in my pocket. What do you like to say to people when they do or say something that is stupid or wrong? Stay hot!”</em>

—Chip K., Santa Clara, Cali.

Yeah, I just blew that pick. I bought into Cam Newton being unstoppable. The fact is Denver was just the better team on that day. Kudos to them!

I will say this about the game. If Cam Newton wanted to silence his critics, his petulant attitude in the post-game press conference did nothing to make that happen. He came off as a bratty sore loser.

It is easy to dab after making a first down against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Having character and being the face of the NFL will not come to this young man until he learns how to stand up in front of the world after a big loss and accept responsibility for a terrible performance. Newton did not do that. He still has much to learn.

<em>“How was your Super Bowl party?”</em>

—Kyler, North Logan

I do not remember much, so it must have been awesome! I do faintly recall after the game dancing my butt off to Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”. I think someone took a video of it. It might be out there on Facebook somewhere. I am waiting for the ransom note.

<em>“Your columns criticizing those who speak out against hate speech offended me. It was abusive and triggered bad memories. I should be able to look at news in my safe space without having to read your wrong opinions. You should be banned from writing a column so no one can ever be harmed by you again!”</em>

—Jesse, Salt Lake City

Point taken. Point made.

<em>“Why do you hate Hillary so badly?”</em>

—Gloria S.

Do I hate Hillary Clinton? Or am I a political junkie who has witnessed the pseudo-eroticism the Clintons feel when they are pursuing and exercising power for over a quarter of a century?

Hillary lied about what happened in the Benghazi attack. She set up an email server to provide secrecy for whatever means she felt were necessary whilst holding a position nearly as important as the President of the United States. She and her husband continue to accept money from anyone willing to write out a check. And she sends out surrogates to “slut shame” any women that dare not vote for her.

Bernie Sanders is ideologically wrong. Donald Trump is a cult of personality who has duped stupid people to believe in him. Hillary is crooked, immoral, insincere and has a political track record that is inept. This election scares me.

<em>“Why do you badmouth Twitter so much? If you do not like it, don’t use it!”</em>

—Steve F., Provo, UT

I stopped using it in September. I will not go back. The final straw for me was an incident where I tweeted something that came back to bite me. Lesson learned.

I would love to not know about Twitter. Unfortunately, lazy journalists and media types cannot get through a news story without mentioning a politician’s tweets. Or, they talk about how Twitter is in an uproar over an event.

Also, people use the filter of the social networking to allow themselves to be mean. When people are protected from confrontation, they tend to allow themselves to be slaves to the lesser angels of their nature. I want no part of that.

And, if I do not look at Twitter, I have no idea what any person is subtweeting to me…if anything. I am completely ignorant and immune to it all.

<em>“What are you doing for Valentine’s Day Weekend?”</em>

—Ash H., Willow Park

I am doing stuff, but not because billion dollar corporations have embedded in my head that I must spend tons of money on a fake holiday in an act of disingenuous romanticism.

My challenge to men is this: Do nothing romantic for your lady this weekend. Not one thing. If she gets mad, then she is selfish and programmed to believe things should be done regardless of sincerity or inclination. Dump her immediately and thank me later.

My plans for this weekend are that I will walk around downtown Logan on Friday for the bi-monthly Gallery Walk. I have plans to meet old college friends at the White Owl to catch up on things. And I will go to Lava Hot Springs and sit in a pool for a few hours doing absolutely nothing.

The finale will be Sunday night when I watch “The Walking Dead” and “Downton Abbey” back to back. Followed by the 1981 Canadian slasher film classic “My Bloody Valentine”.

I’m a strange bird, aint I?

And with that, we must sadly close the CVD mailbag for now.

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