Each morning when the elevator opens on my floor, I get a list of patients who are feeling mighty sore.
They’ve all had major surgery. Let’s say they’ve been tuned up. But now they’re nauseated ‘cuz it seems they’re all plugged up.
I’m not talking ‘bout their sinus or that brown stuff in the ear. I’m talking down there farther south and a little to the rear.
There is an old time remedy of mineral oil to cure. It’s awful to the taste, but it will loosen you for sure.
That mineral oil will clean you out. It’ll find a way somehow. I told an older patient, “Just be glad you’re not a cow.”
That fellow gave a look at me like, “Have you lost your mind?” He was hobbling for the toilet, left me standing there behind.
I said, “You see, when I was young we milked cows on the farm. Those danged old cows would get plugged up. A sure cause for alarm.”
“But we always had a quart or two of mineral oil on hand. We’d pour it down the cow. If not, the cow would soon expand.”
I wondered how a cow could drink two quarts of mineral oil. It wasn’t long before her innards rumbled in turmoil.
The growling and the gurgling gas would soon come flying out. The mineral oil had remedied the plugged up cow, no doubt.
I learned that you should never, ever stand back at their rear. My cousin caught a blast and it was more than just a smear.
So then I told him, “Sir I see you’ve been up twice to go. The mineral oil has done its job, and not a bit too slow. “
“I’ll stand back here and help you make your way back to the john. But please give me a warning if a cough is coming on.”