COLUMN: Too Stupid to Know They’re Stupid

Harry Caines contributes a weekly column to Harry is a resident of Logan and an alumnus of Utah State University. He can be reached via email at [email protected]His column is a work of opinion, and does not reflect the views of Cache Valley Daily, the Cache Valley Media Group, or its employees. 

<em>”Stupid is as stupid does.”</em>

— Forrest Gump, from the movie, “Forrest Gump”.

As best as I can surmise, there are three kinds of Americans that voted for Donald Trump to be the President of the United States.

The first type of Trump voter is those people who feel the Democratic Party deserted them. They nominated a highly derisive candidate in Hillary Clinton. They wooed environmentalists more than middle-class, blue collar workers. They offered no solutions for stagnant wages and the loss of the factory jobs that once made up the backbone of the American economy.

Yes, Trump is probably insane—but he said he would bring jobs back to America. This group of voters were profoundly relevant in the states of Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan and Wisconsin. Small in number, but large in stature.

The second type of Trump voter was people that just flat out hated Hillary Clinton. They simply could not stomach the thought of seeing her face and hearing her voice every day for four more years. They were not political partisans so much as they were sick to death of Hillary.

Yes, Donald Trump is a crooked liar….but, but, but….HIllary!

Like the first demographic, this group was small in number. Yet, they helped tilt the Electoral College in Trump’s favor.

And that brings us to the third kind of Trump voter. My vast political science acuity allows me to estimate that 95% of Trump voters fall into this demographic. Using words familiar to all that have a grasp of the English language, it can be relegated to a plain two word term:

Stupid people.

I have invented a portmanteau that I think sums up their lack of intelligence neatly. I call them Trumpkins—a mixture of Trump and bumpkin. They not only lack the refinement that can come with a higher education, but most Trumpkins bask in an eclipse of enlightenment, the vacuousness of bigotry and the cornucopia of misinformation provided by alt-right news outlets.

S-T-O-O-P-I-T. Trumpkins lack anything even relatively close to a triple digit Intelligence Quotient. How else can you explain the totality of scandals, mishaps, blunders, criminal acts and hypocrisy exuded by Donald Trump not plummeting his popularity close to zero other than his most diehard supporters are too dumb to admit they screwed up in supporting him?

Mind you, I do not expect every American to read the New York Times, or to be able to enjoy a night at the theatre watching a performance of Mozart’s “Don Giovanni”. But they should be able to show more on their cultural resume than knowing the cast of “Duck Dynasty”.

Is this show even still airing new episodes? That’s a rhetorical question. Don’t answer that. I really couldn’t care less.

Let us look at some of the evidence I can provide within the parameters of the 1,000-word limit my editor futilely asks me to adhere to weekly.

<ul><li>Trump said he would build a border wall with Mexico and they would pay for it. Now, it is the American taxpayer who will foot the bill, if the cursed thing is ever built.</li><li>Trump said he would only hire the best people. He put his son-in-law in charge of bringing peace to the Middle East for the first time since…ever! His daughter has a West Wing office. He has alt-right conspiracy theorists and white supremacists slithering in and out of the White House. And of all the people he could have hired from the realm of reality television, he picks Omarosa Manigault, a woman who finished in eighth place in the first season of “The Apprentice”.</li><li>Trump has done no work in passing anything through Congress. Senate Republicans had to blow up their own rules to get Neil Gorsuch seated on the Supreme Court. Any conservative politician would have picked Gorsuch. Trump just read the name on the piece of paper Mike Pence handed to him.</li><li>He is openly obfuscating on Russia and Putin. They are an adversary that attacked America via Internet hacking and manipulation. That is at best cowardice and, at worst, treason.</li></ul>

And what do Trumpkins do in a retort to these facts? Mostly, nothing. They make <a href=”″ target=”_blank”>immoral equivalency arguments</a> regarding liberals and pass on Infowars columns widely refuted and debunked on social networking comment sections. Trumpkins that would list the 1984 film “Red Dawn” as a great patriotic film are no better than de facto collaborators.

Every reason why Candidate Trump was The Way amongst these gullible goobers has proven false under President Trump. But, there they are! Defending their grifter-in-chief even as he proves day after day to be unprepared and disinterested in the finer points of a job that requires a superhuman desire to follow through on the most finite details.

Just this week, Trump spoke for the first time to the United Nations. He criticized them. He said he would blow up North Korea. North Korea has over 25 million people living there.

He stated he would recuse the U.S from an Iran nuclear deal that every major world power had a hand in crafting. How can you convince China to help you with North Korea when you just said you would blow up a deal they worked hard to make a reality?

These factors are too nuanced for Trumpkins to consider. Their Orange Messiah said he’d blow up stuff. The hows and whys are meaningless. The fact that it would be Trumpkin children fighting a new war is lost on them. They were fed machismo and they ate it up in one chew.

Trump is a crazy grifter. He spoke the language of the ignorant and the illiterate and they carried him to power. The rest of us now must pay the price for the malice of morons. America’s fallen stature on the world stage, the likelihood that Trump and his inner-circle have defecated on the United States Constitution and the embarrassment of watching him speak or Tweet on any random subject is what we must all endure. And all because stupid people were not smart enough to see what was painfully obvious.

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