COLUMN: Boycott Options

Harry Caines contributes a weekly column to CacheValleyDaily.com. Harry is a resident of Logan and an alumnus of Utah State University. He can be reached via email at hacaines@gmail.com. His column is a work of opinion, and does not reflect the views of Cache Valley Daily, the Cache Valley Media Group, or its employees. 

As every American knows, Super Bowl LII will be played this Sunday. The day is one to indulge in food and drink for most of us. Parties galore. Everyone picks a side. Super Bowl Sunday is a de facto holiday.

There will be people who will not be watching the game, or even attending a gathering of people under the guise of caring about who is the champion of the National Football League.

Some people work. Others are good church-going folk who hold to the belief that watching football on Sunday dishonors the Sabbath. Most who won’t watch just do not care about football at all. But there are a select few who will not watch the game for political reasons.

Because many NFL players have publicly refused to stand for the National Anthem as a protest to treatment of minorities in America, many Americans have started boycotting the NFL. This has been fueled by President Donald Trump. Trump, who loves blowing his racist dog whistle as a means to call bigots to his cause, has referenced these NFL players using the most unflattering language.

Not all Americans boycotting the NFL are unabashed supporters of President Trump, but most are.

Let us ignore the absurdity of Americans exercising their inalienable American right to protest the NFL in response to other Americans who play in the league exercising their inalienable American right to protest. Most Trumpkins would choke on that irony if they had the intellect to comprehend it.

This is a peace offering. I want to help Trumpkins get through Super Sunday with some modicum of entertainment. Therefore, I am making three suggestions for Trumpkins to consider as an alternative to watching my beloved Philadelphia Eagles kick the (BLEEP) out of the personification of evil on Earth: the New England Patriots.

Firstly, you can spend Sunday on CBS All Access learning about the television game show “Big Brother”. Why? Because next week, the American version of this show will offer its first version of “Celebrity Big Brother”. One of the contestants, referred to as houseguests, is Omarosa Manigault Newman. Known mostly by her first name, Omarosa became a name when she was a contestant on the first year of the television show ‘The Apprentice”. That was another game show where Donald Trump would fire someone every week for screwing up a business project—which is something Trump has done masterfully his whole life.

I wrote a <a href=”http://www.cachevalleydaily.com/opinion/article_32d8f0d0-d911-11e2-adb1-001a4bcf6878.html” target=”_blank”>column about my love for “Big Brother”</a>, which fans of the show refer to as BB. The concept of the show is you stick a bunch of people in a house with no outside communication and then you can watch them on 24/7 feeds snipe at each other. Each week, one person is voted out of the house.

Omarosa parlayed her appearance on “The Apprentice” with a White House job, in which she apparently did nothing for an entire year. There is no doubt she will bring her abrasive personality into the Big Brother house.

In an unholy alliance prophesied in the Book of Revelation, Omarosa is destined to form an alliance with former mixed martial arts fighter Chuck Liddell, who is another houseguest. Liddell once said he would beat up people for Trump if he was paid enough money.

This is trash TV at its’ zenith. Stay tuned.

Another viewing option to help Trumpkins avoid those uppity football players indulging in their First Amendment rights is to take in a movie marathon. And what else would show support for Great Orange Leader more than to go through the cache of his favorite movie star, Stormy Daniels?

Stormy Daniels—not her real name—is a porn star that was allegedly given $130,000 to sign an agreement barring her from discussing her tryst with Donald Trump. This sexual soiree took place whilst Trump’s third wife Melania had recently given birth to their son.

Classy.

Stormy is tall, blonde and would do anything for a dollar. Just like Ivanka!

For those who would like to get to know the woman who could have been the fourth Mrs. Trump had he lost the election, allow me to suggest some of her better-known titles; or, at least the ones that can be printed on a family-friendly website.

You can indulge in films entitled “Finally Legal 7”, “Partly Stormy”, and “Operation: Desert Stormy”. But you must make time to take in her magnum opus, “Space Nuts”. In this masterwork, she plays a character named Princess Hubba Hubba.

Allow me to add a caveat. I am not endorsing or condoning watching pornographic films in my CVD column. This column is an act of satirical trolling. And I would state this even if endorsing porn was not against the standards and practices of cachevalleydaily.com.

The problem is that there was a time, not long ago, when paying adult film stars hush money to cover up sexual liaisons with the (now) President of the United States went against the standards and practices of American social mores.

My final suggestion is to scan through the riveting headlines posted on the website, The Daily Caller.

This awful website stands with infowars.com and Breitbart News as a main source for right wing fanatics to live in a constant state of willful ignorance.

I bring this up because someone commented on the CVD Facebook post for my column last week that I was not very bright. To prove her point, the poster linked a column from The Daily Caller in which business leaders in Switzerland heaped praise on Donald Trump. This story was not sourced anywhere in legitimate media.

But it was the link under the Trump story that grabbed my attention. A blurb claimed that actress Jamie Lee Curtis was admitting that she was, in fact, transgendered.

That is Pulitzer Prize calibur reporting on display…and for free!

Another recent TDC link told the world that Mel Gibson was green-lighted to make a sequel to “The Passion of the Christ”. Ummm, what? I saw that film. I enjoyed it, actually. But in the last scene (SPOILER ALERT), a stone is rolled back, Jesus rises from the grave and walks out. That’s pretty much the end of the Passion. Jesus won. The end. If this film gets made I expect to see a sequel to “Titanic” documenting its’ second voyage.

And that should get you through this Sunday. No need to bother yourself with watching the Super Bowl. Enjoy your boycott.

Fly, Eagles, fly!

Free News Delivery by Email

Would you like to have the day's news stories delivered right to your inbox every evening? Enter your email below to start!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.